Hypothyroidism

For today, I want to discuss Hypothyroidism which is what I believe to possess. It was already made clear to me from my mother that I probably have either Hyper or Hypothyroidism. She stated that she had already suspected because I tend to do the same thing as she does when I try and explain something but I ramble on and on, stumble over my words, or I switch from one topic to another frequently. This is referred to as disorganized speech: fragmented thinking, trouble concentrating and/or maintaining a train of thought. She said that because I'm displaying the same mental symptoms, she is 90% certain that I have hypothyroidism. But I still had my slight hope that, "I've never been tested so I'm sure I don't have it, that's just my personality." However, recently I was made aware by my employer that this has become an issue for some of our customers. Mostly because my train of thought will ramble on and on because I'm lacking that cue to stop and dial it down. Therefore, it appears to my supervisors that I'm being unprofessional with the customers. This hit me really hard because I'm so proud of my job and I love working here and I don't want to risk being fired because of this.

So I decided to do a little research on this so that I may better understand this condition. I display all symptoms of Hypothyroidism, not even half of the symptoms...all of the symptoms. I have the weight gain, the reoccurring depression, inability to concentrate, memory problems, hair thinning, anxiety, irritability, and etc. It hit me even harder because I do not have health insurance and therefore can not go and take the tests to find out for sure if I have it or not all because I can not afford it. I have been struggling with this and trying to figure out how to control the disorganized speech but haven't had any luck. But because it's now interfering with my performance at work, I am desperate to find a way to deal with it. What I am now trying is the rubber band method, basically you wear a rubber band on your wrist and if the undesired behavior begins to occur you snap the band to relate a negative feeling with the behavior. Therefore when my brain gets stuck or rambles on, I will use the rubber band as my cue to move along or stop. I'm hoping that this will help with my performance at work because I really do love working at the museum.

I think that the rubber band technique will not only help with the disorganized speech but will also help me when I'm upset, angry, or anxious while I'm at work. However, since I have a performance review coming up I've found myself to be even more anxious and panicked. I keep having this thought in the back of my mind that review is going to be poor and I'm going to be let go and replaced. That's one of the reasons why I need to find out for sure if I do have Hypothyroidism or not, because I believe it is illegal for them to fire me because of psychological symptoms that are common in individuals that have Hypothyroidism.

Another part of me has been worried because I feel that my supervisors think I'm just giving them a psychological reason for it so I won't be fired or get into trouble. But I know I shouldn't be worried because I am telling them the truth, I'm not self-diagnosing and saying I do have this but that there is a chance that I most likely have it since I display all symptoms and I have medical family history of thyroid disorders. Yet despite me knowing that I am telling them the truth, it doesn't make me worry any less which is probably why my hair has thinned out quite a bit. Which only makes things worse since I already have self-esteem issues and have convinced myself that I'll never fall in love, never get married, and never have children. So everything is just starting to pile up on top of one another and I can't physically stop it, I can't control this and that drives me crazy. I hate not having control over something. Don't misinterpret that statement, I'm not controlling and want everything to do what I want, I just feel comforted knowing that if something goes wrong I have the ability to fix or prevent it.

Yup...You're loca, chika!

Okay, I am not crazy but I guess I can see how I could possibly come across that way. However, it still doesn't make it right to call me crazy! Geez, sometimes this caption character can be so rude! Anyway, I'm going to keep my fingers crossed and hope that the rubber band technique will help me keep in control until I can get proper treatment for this.

Thanks for letting me post about my worries/troubles and for being so understanding. Like I always try to say in my posts, please be encouraging to your friends and family who are struggling with any of these kinds of issues: weight gain, self-esteem, depression, anxiety, etc., etc. I'm sure you're all aware how difficult it can be to tackle these kinds of issues alone, so please make sure anyone you know that is having a hard time knows that you're there for them. That they are not alone and will always have someone to lean on for support.

See You Tomorrow!